Stop Giving Up

(Thanks for introducing me to this picture, Tanya.)

Let's do some math.

Completing a HUGE fitness goal + colder temperatures/windy/rainy + tweaked knee joint + Halloween candy + pure exhaustion + child puking = ??????????????????????????? Loss of motivation.

(Spread the next equation over the past 13 years.) Add 5 pounds + 15 pounds - 10 pounds + 10 pounds + 5 pounds + two pregnancies - breastfeeding + not exercising + 10 pounds - 10 pounds = a lot of yo-yo dieting and an out of shape and overweight person.

I have been here, at this exact spot, many times on my fitness road.  I feel like up to this point in my adult married life my fitness progress was sometimes two steps forward one step back and, on a more regular basis, one step forward two steps back.  Train for a 5K then stop running. Count calories for awhile then stop. Start. Stop. Start. Stop.  This cycle left me tired, out of shape, overweight and completely and utterly disappointed in myself over and over again.

The nasty voice in my head lately says, "You've already met a huge fitness goal for this year. Just stop for awhile."  And, "How will this time be any different, Andrea?  You've come this far but we both know you always give up.  So, you might as well give up now." (Seriously, who let that voice in my head and why is it so freaking hard to drown out?!)

Luckily, this morning I didn't listen to that voice.  I got out of my warm & cozy bed, walked downstairs, put on my swimsuit, brushed my teeth, put my contacts in and walked out of the house with puffy eyes barely open enough to drive to the University.  I walked through the 36 degree dark morning, up the steps and in to the natatorium.  I hesitated and then let the cold pool water take my breath away for a moment.  Then I pushed off and took one stroke at a time.

And when I was done I felt strong enough to tell the negative voice up in my head to shut up.  I felt confident enough to move forward.  One step at a time.